I am exhausted...

Happy Halloween!

Why I haven't been blogging....

So, I have nothing to say.  I mean, really, I have nothing to write about these days. Jeff has been gone more than he has been home lately.  Ok, that isn't really true.  He just has been gone a lot in a short period of time.  Anyway....

My life has been very boring, busy, but boring.  I take kids here, do an hour of work, pick up one kid take her to next activity.  Then back home to work, clean or laundry for an hour and go get other kid, pick up next kid and home.  Dinner, bath and bed.  Whew, I am tired.

But here is what I do have to say...

My best friend found out she DOES NOT HAVE cancer.  My other best friend is on the East Coast dealing with his very sick dad.  My sister is heading out in the morning to save Uganda.  My husband, brother-in-law and dad are in South Dakota trying not to shoot each other on a hunting trip where I am pretty sure no animals will be harmed in the process.  We just hope no humans are hurt.

I had dinner after a REALLY long day with some women from my playgroup.  One mommy told us that her son was going to be Tinkerbell for Halloween.  I couldn't be more in awe of this little boy and his mommy and daddy.  Five year olds have no idea who they are or where they belong.  They are at the beginning of the life process and parents who have the courage to give their children freedom are absolute rock stars.

Happy Halloween!

happymommy

I picture my dad holding her hand....

Two years ago today, we lost Rose.  I think of her every day, but it took a Facebook post by her best friend to remind me that today was the day that we lost her.

She was loved.

She is loved.

She suffered.

Physically.

Mentally.

She is missed.

Every day.

Every single day.

Rose deserved so much more.

We miss her.

happymommy

The love between a father and a son, and other things...

Lilly is gone tonight with her Grandma & Opa.  She is being loved with hugs, kisses and chocolate.

James is enjoying time alone with his parents.  He is getting kisses...

He is watching his alter-ego...

And he is about to go to bed!

But we miss her!

happymommy

My first controversial post...

I wanted to write about cyber bullying today.  About how children and teenagers around the world are being bullied into submission and consequently commit suicide because they can not move beyond the hatred. 

I wanted to write about the venom spewed toward gays and the animosity put upon those individuals who want to marry their partners, but can't because they are the same gender.

I wanted to write about the racial prejudice that is still so prevelant in our country.

I wanted to write about the hatred being thrown around this country and this world in the name of God.

But I am not going to bring anymore credence to these horrible injustices, and crimes, than are already out there.  I am taking my stand in my own way.  I will oppose the hatred, love EVERYONE, raise my children to do the same and I will NOT stand by and listen to anyone who attempts to validate the thought that Jesus would be anything other than loving to everyone no matter the life they lead and the choices they make.  I am a Christian and my faith does not allow me to believe that this is right and it certainly isn't in His name.

Controversy or not, this is my Jesus, my God and my choice.

Ok, off to watch Modern Family now.  Oh and GO GIANTS!

happymommy

PS:  I am aware that there will be many of my readers who will abandon me, write hateful comments and unfollow me on twitter.   I am taking my stand today.  I will no longer stand by in silence and while people represent hate in the name of Jesus.

40 and Fabulous!

I case you forgot, yesterday was my birthday.  I know, I hardly mentioned it.  Sure kept it to myself these past few weeks!

I really had a great day.  Jeff let me sleep.  The crew made me breakfast, then church, a little shopping and dinner with the family.  I got some great gifts.  One made me jump up and down like I was five and just got tickets to Disneyland!  My dad got a picture and if it surfaces anywhere, I will pout.  

It was a perfect birthday full of family and cupcakes!

happymommy

The BIG 4-0

Today I begin the next decade of my life.  This is a big one for me.  Jeff and I were talking last night on the drive to my birthday dinner date, that neither him nor I even imagined ourselves as 40.  Not because we didn't think we would make it to 40, but because we just couldn't imagine ourselves as 40.  Well, here we are.  We are parents to two little children.  We are productive members of society.  We are loved by others.  More importantly we love each other.  Our marriage and friendship are solid and constant sources of joy for me.  Don't get me wrong, we have our issues.  Anyone who is married who tells you they have a perfect marriage and never fight are big ol' liars!

As I sit here on the couch next to Jeff while he watches one football game on the tv, and another one on his laptop, I marvel at the wonder of him.  He is passionate about everything.  Sports, music, his job and his friends.  But there isn't a doubt in my mind that the most important part of his very being is his family.  I never wonder if Jeff loves me and I know he always wants to make sure I am happy.  He is such a wonderful father.  He laughs and loves with abandon.   I am lucky, and I know it. 

happymommy

What to say...

I have been trying to write this post about my dad for days.  I really have no idea where to start.  I learned a few weeks ago when talking about him to others while he listened is not his favorite thing.  He certainly does not want others to know how absolutely wonderful, giving and loved he is.  For those of you who know him, this is just impossible.

I just can't properly put into words how much I love my dad.  My entire life he has been my best friend.  Always there to give me cookies, take me to school and rescue me from my own stupidity.  He gave so much to his country and to the people who relied on him for compassion.  He does things like write, "Vote or shut the F up" on his blog.  He is the hero to many, not just me.

I could go on and on, but I am stopping here.  I love him.  I admire him.  He is my father, my daddy and my friend.

happymommy

An open letter to my mom...

I am not sure I can put into words how I feel about my mom.  So instead of writing about all the wonderful things she does for me, I am writing an open letter.

Mom,

I am sorry I was such a hard teenager and adult.  I finally got it together about seven years ago but without your support, financially and physically, I would have never made it to the wonderful life I have now.  I was hard Mom and I know that.  I hope that Lilly never talks to me or treats me the way I did you.

I remember when you taught me to ride a bike.  I remember when I learned how to rhyme words with duck and you didn't have a heart attack. I remember when you took me to buy lipstick on my first day of middle school in a strange place.  I remember you took a u-turn in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge because I needed that lipstick.  I remember that you taught me to drive.  I remember when I crashed the car, twice, and you still didn't kill me. I remember so many more life changing events with you right there by my side.

I watched you love me even when I didn't deserve a whole lot of love.  You gave me the power to make mistakes and fail and finally learn.

Today, mom, I love you more than words can convey.  My children adore you and you love them with reckless abandon.  You gave me the gift of life and every single day of my almost forty years you have given me so much more.

I love you mom.  You are my hero but better yet, you are my friend!

happymommy

Survivors...

Tomorrow is a big day..There are no words... except for these...

happymommy

My sister....

I have a sister.  A woman eight years older than me (I like to point this out whenever possible.) whose job is so very important.  She deals daily with life and hope and even death.  I find her beyond courageous, generous and giving.  She is about to embark on a trip to a third world country to improve medical care for thousands of women.  In many ways, she is my hero.

It hasn't always been this way.  However, up until I reached puberty, as seems to be when everything turned topsy-turvy for me anyway, I idolized her.  She was the most popular girl in her high school.  Everyone wanted to be her friend, and I found this simply wonderful.  Obviously she was smart and she was an extrememly gifted athlete.  All of this in one person was amazing and I wanted to be just like her.  

I could go on and on about why this didn't happen and blame moving around from place to place, but in reality, it just wasn't meant to be.  I really don't know why I didn't turn out like her, and throughout the years, not being like her meant I was a failure.  

I wonder sometimes if this is why we have had some tumultous moments in our relationship.  She is opinionated and very strong in her beliefs.  But I know without a shadow of a doubt there is not one single thing she wouldn't do for me, my family and her own family.  She parents her daughters with the power of a mother bear.  And this is what works for her.  I love her but I am not her.  I am ok with that because truly, the world only has room for her.  She is simply that wonderful.

And on another note....

I dare you not to giggle!

happymommy

More complaining

I will only complain for a second about this subject which seems to be consuming my every minute these days.  I continue to gain about one pound a week, so now I am officially bigger than I have ever been in my life except for when I was with child.  There is absolutely no way I am with child, so I can not blame this on anything other than myself.  I started running again yesterday and instead of thinking about my double, ok, triple chin and the extra rolls around my  mid-section, I conentrantrated on this....

A beautiful morning, a beautiful place no matter what my size!

We had our first kindergarten parent teacher conference today.  Lilly is doing great socially and academically.  Her teacher loves her.  Any concerns I had were put to rest and we are so very proud.  I had no doubt that she would do great, but to hear how great she actually is doing was wonderful.

And James, well, he is James.

Never A Dull Moment!

Pink Glasses and all...

happymommy

PS:  I have four more people to write about if I can quit complaining about my weight.  I love them so much they deserve all my attention and thought.  I am working on the posts in my head first. :)

An Act of Kindess

I have written about Katie Granju before.  This mother of five lost her eldest son in May to a beating and subsequent overdose.  Her documentation of his struggle and her grief are heartbreaking.  Today would have been this lovely boy's 19th birthday.  She mourns him and the life that he should have had.  And today, her family asked all her loyal readers to go perform an act of kindness. 

So in honor of Henry my friend S and I, along with our two five year olds, gathered canned goods, other foods and  toiletries and took them to our local low-income and homeless center in our county.  It was a first for Lilly and her little friend L as well.  When I told Lilly what we were doing she was truly confused.  I explained that there were people in our own county that didn't have enough money to eat.  I explained that some families just can't afford toothpaste and soap.  The four of us took our bags of donations and gave them to the center.  Lilly and her friend L were in awe.  This will now become a monthly Act of Kindness.  We didn't make a dent, but at least we did something.

An Act of Kindness for Henry

I am putting a call out to all my readers.  Go do something for someone besides yourself today.  It could be as small as letting a car go in front of you when you would normally speed up to be first.  You could engage a senior citizen in a conversation.  You could pick up trash along the road while out walking your dog.  Do something.  Today do it in honor of Henry.  Next time do it because it is the right thing to do.

happymommy

I will write the next installment of "The people I love the most" on Sunday.  Off to a wedding for the weekend!

Walk n Roll to school and my in-laws

Today was Walk n Roll to school day across the country.  Students and scores of parent volunteers helped kids and their parents kick the car habit and try walking or riding to campus.  Lilly and I braved the streets and traffic to show our solidarity.  In addition, I almost had a mental breakdown.  

Picture, if you will, a cute little blond girl with curls cascading from beneath her helmet riding her cute little pink bike, with pink tassels and pink training wheels.  Imagine the mother of this young darling walking/running along side with sweat rolling down her face as she had to hold child upright since the training wheels were all wonky.  By the time we arrived at school, I was almost in tears.  These turned to giggles at the sheer thought of how comical the entire thing was.  The ride home was much better after the one fall down and the one meltdown due to not wanting her training wheels anymore.  Fun times were had by all!  At least we stayed out of the car. :0

 The Bike Rack at Lilly's School this morning!  Twice as full as normal!

Today also marks the second day of writing about people in my life who mean so very much to me.  Yesterday it was my friends, today it is my in-laws.  My father-in-law and mother-in-law are avid readers of happymommy.  I don't want to embarras them or speak out of school.  However, these two people are so unbelievably important to me and my family.  From the first time I met them, they welcomed me into their family.  No questions asked, and one huge hug.  

My father-in-law is kind, funny as they come and he loves his family with a fierceness that is almost indescribable.  There is not a single thing he will not do for a friend, family and even a stranger.  I adore this man's jokes, his knowledge of the weather and his loyalty to my children, his son and daughter as well as me.  He is the man behind the amazing woman, my mother-in-law.

She has become, over the years, a great friend of mine.  She supports me, trusts me and lets me be myself.  The incredible way she allows me to treat her home as mine when we visit is such a gift.  I never feel like an outsider, or the wife of her son.  I feel like a daughter.  And boy, the way she loves my children, not to mention her own children, is a joy to experience.  We never doubt where we stand with her, and I love that.  

They did an incredible job of raising two wonderful children.  My sister-in-law is a giving, loving and beautiful woman whose life seems to be getting better every year.  I am lucky to call her my friend.

This wouldn't be a complete post about in-laws if I didn't talk about my brother-in-law.  My sister's husband is a man of men.  He is quiet, yet says so much.  I love him, but for goodness sakes, no one tell him that!

I realize that these past two posts have turned into why I love everyone so much, but lets face it.  I do love everyone.  Every single person I write about has had a huge effect on who I am today.  I will continue to praise them because I am blessed to have them.

The outside, in....

Because this is the month o' happymommy, I have decided to write about the people in my life who are beyond important to me.  For the next twelve days or so, I will be sharing with you stories of those who are a part of my life, who make a difference, and who, for better or worse, have the "privilege" of loving me.  I will be working my way from the outside to the inside.

Let's start with my friends.  I have a group of them, some with whom I spend way too much time, and some whom I see rarely but every time I do, it is like we saw each other yesterday.

These people put up with my drama.  My happiness, to anger, back to happiness can happen at the speed of sound.  Yet, these people still love me.  Drama surrounds me, mostly of my own making, but still, these people remain.  

Because my family was so nomadic growing up and since I carried this need to constantly move and morph into adulthood, I have few friends from those times who are still part of my life.  I lost one two years ago, and that was heartbreaking.  I miss her.  I am angry at her to this day, but would forgive her in a heartbeat if she were to ever ask.  Tomorrow is her birthday and I would love to have her back.  I also have another friend from a past life and I keep up with her on Facebook.  I care deeply for her and her family.  There is another one whom I have known a lifetime but even though I never see her,  I consider her family!

 Poor Girl has known me since we were 13!

 

And then there are those that are in my life because of Jeff.  He came with about a billion friends and each of them I consider close friends.  They come with craziness and happiness. They give my family so much joy that when we see them, we embrace each second together.

Finally, we have those who deal with me weekly and even daily.  Maybe these friends don't know they mean more to me than I can express.  But I love them.  Each of them.  They bring me such joy and I am lucky to have them.

Friends...

happymommy

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass and Homemade Mayonaisse...

One has nothing to do with the other, but that is what is happening over here today!  Jeff took Lilly to the free Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival in Golden Gate Park today.  Along with being very excited for Lilly to have a great daddy day bonding experience, I am a tad bit worried about my baby (Lilly not Jeff) getting lost in the crowd.  So, before she left we went over rules.  She is to go with no one unless that person knows the safe word.  This safe word is only known by Jeff and I and will only be given to another person if the situation warrants.  Also, if she gets separated from Jeff, she is to immediately find a policeman or another mommy or daddy with a child.  Jeff suggested they have a meeting place, and my head became separated from my shoulders as it flew across the room to give Jeff a dirty look.  He wasn't serious, but really?  That isn't funny!

No One needs the safe word yet!

Daddy & Daughter Day!

Um, not sure what is going on with Lilly's smile.  She looks deranged.  
Or possibly bored with the bluegrass.

James and I are having our own bonding experience, happymommy style!  We are lounging on the bed.  James is watching DVDs on the portable player.  Well, I say watching DVDs, but really he is just putting a DVD in and then watching it for a second and then stopping it and putting a different one in the player.  So far we have started and stopped Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and Yo Gabba Gabba at least fifty times.  When not telling him to stop playing with the player and changing diapers, I am tweeting, blogging, surfing the internet and watching crazy food shows; the type of food shows that are tormenting to someone who needs to eat salads and jog constantly.  By far my favorite food of the day was the french fries with cheese curd covered in gravy.  What?  Is that legal?  

Of course, now I am hungry.  One of my latest obsessions is homemade mayonnaise.  I made it once, but got scared about it going bad, or God forbid salmonella from uncooked eggs.  So, I started researching pasteurized eggs.  Turns out you can make your own pasteurized eggs.  I may try this, or I may just head to the condiment aisle and by some.  Seems a smarter choice.

We enjoyed a great anniversary date, a relaxing Saturday and dinner with friends.  Today, so far is a win.  Any day I can be lounging on the bed with my sweet baby boy, I am in heaven!  Now if he would stop playing with the dvds so I can relax in peace!

happymommy